My Dream Star Wars Spinoff: Turn Down For Hutt

Star Wars: Turn Down For Hutt

Release Date: In A Cinema Not Too Far Away

Tagline: His Dad was killed by a dirty slut, now she will feel the wrath of the greatest Hutt

Plot Synopsis: 30 years ago the galaxy far far away's greatest citizen, Jabba the Hutt, was heinously and unjustly murdered. After years of attempts to get justice through the court system to no avail, Jabba's son, Rotta, has decided to take matters into his own stubby hands. His plan: To exact vegenance on the woman who committed the deed, Princess Leia! But Rotta's plan isn't simply going to kill Leia; He is going to takeaway everything she loves first. Armed with a Jaeger, a recent mastery of the English language, and his trusty sidekick Boba Fett, Rotta is gonna teach the Rebel Alliance that they don't call him "The Pedunkee Mufkin" for nothing.

Climax: After years of training to become drift compatible with one another, Rotta and Boba, take on the Rebel army with their Jaeger named "Naughty Schnapps". Making their way through Rebel forces, the two come upon the Millennium Falcon. When all of a sudden a gigantic wookie emerges from the ocean. Chewie has been super-sized into a Kajui. The final battle to board the Millennium Falcon to finish Rotta's revenge begins.

The Twist: Standing over Han's corpse, Leia attempts to tell Rotta the "truth". That she and Jabba had an affair years prior to his murder which resulted in Rotta's birth. "I am your mother." she says. Rotta replies "My name is Rotta the Hutt, you killed my father, prepare to die!" then he blows off Leia's head, but no blood comes out. Instead it is revealed that this body was an android, like the one from Alien, made to look like the real Leia. All of a sudden the real Leia surrounding by ewoks appears on a screen above our heroes and taunts Rotta. Boba Fett turns to Rotta says "Set course for the forest moon of Endor." Roll Credits. This sets up the sequel Star Wars: Hutting Season.

Directed and Written By: Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction)

Quentin Tarantino loves complicated characters and fun dialogue. Now add on top that this story allows him to shift the entire Star Wars' paradigm. The Rebel's are now the enemy. Han and Leia are now the bad guys. Tarantino would love to be the guy, who flipped the Star Wars universe on his its head.

Cast

Rotta the Hutt - Jonah Hill (22 Jump St.)

Quentin Tarantino has briefly worked with Jonah Hill before on Django Unchained. The two clearly had chemistry and have since wished to work on another project together. It's the perfect storm for both men since Tarantino loves revenge stories and Jonah Hill is looking for another meaty role that could earn him his third Oscar nomination. He could garner the first Oscar nomination for a mo-caption performance. After seeing Rotta, people will forget all about that lameass Andy Serkis.

Boba Fett - Jon Bernthal (Fury)

Fuck continuity, I want a good actor under the hood. Bernthal is a great actor. He has a knack for playing characters who are rough around the edges and would add an extra boost to Boba's badassery. Boba may not have been able to avenge his father by killing Mace Windu, but Han Solo's head would make a mighty fine prize on his mantle. Not to mention Rotta is paying him with some mad pod-racing money.

Han Solo - Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones)

There is no one else, but Harrison to play Han. He made his career off the gig and he can finish it with one final go around, but this time as the bad guy. 

Princess Leia - Carrie Fisher (Jay + Silent Bob Strike Back)

Carrie and Harrison are a pair and I'm not gonna be the one to break them up. The chemistry between the two is there and they could be the best villainous duo since Bonnie and Clyde.

Song for the First Trailer: Lit- My Own Worst Enemy

Thanks for reading! Happy April Fools! Do you think Rotta the Hutt has a legitimate vendetta? Would you like to see Pacific Rim and Alien mixed with Star Wars? Let us know in the comments or tweet at us @Caped_Informers or me @cstrand73. And make sure to tune in for our weekly Arrow and Flash reviews. The real Star Wars spinoff Star Wars: Rogue One begins filming soon and will hit theaters in late 2016.

Maybe I should have cast Hung Solo

P.S. Andy Serkis is a god to me.